he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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