I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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