I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
