I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
