You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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