i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
