I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
