just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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