And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My ass is underappreciated
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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