whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You ruined the universe
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
