:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
