Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
