the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
