its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
