new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
third nipple confirmed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
