Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
