he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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