Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
