I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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