I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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