all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
