i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
