You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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