Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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