I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
