I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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