I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
