So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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