Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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