hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
