Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
