Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
