omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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