ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
