Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I will be naked everywhere
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
