ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
