What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
