My nipple is on Facebook.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
