Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
