They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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