my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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