I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
