you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
