and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
