He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm both gender and math confused
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
