don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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