I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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