When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
