I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
