White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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