She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
