You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
