You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
