I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
